Introducing the Nunhead Slum-Dog Superhero

Now, when we first started looking for houses to buy a year and a half ago (yes, a YEAR AND A HALF), the one thing we were certain of was that we didn't want a 'project'.  No 'do-er up-er' for us.  Neither of us have the time, neither of us have the inclination, neither of us have the expertise, and only one of us owns a hammer drill*.

Then the slum happened (we were 'slummed'?).  Now, we aren't daft, and Rob has seen enough projects going wrong, and I've watched enough episodes of Grand Designs, so we knew we needed a project manager.  Kevin would be proud of me (had he bothered to turn up to meet me.  *sob*).

So we employed a project manager.  And, erm, that didn't go so well.

So we sacked them.  (the power!  Mwah ha ha)

We then floundered for a while, trying not to panic, trying not to think about albatrosses, and trying to work out how the witchcraft that is the Ikea online kitchen design software works.

Then we PANICKED.

Then Rob remembered that he had a friend who was an architect, was reliable, competent, friendly, and could project manage for us.  Just remembered.  So we called him.  And he was great.  And he was awesome.  And he was called Joao.  And here he is.

See, he's so busy fixing the slum for us he doesn't even have time to stop and have his photo taken.  

He's brilliant, we love him, and without him, we'd be contemplating living in the slum in it's current condition, asbestos and all.  (it turns out we will be living in the slum avec asbestos - more on that in a bit).

So - progress so far.  We have an architect, we have a project manager, we have a builder, and we have a start date!  

Today we met Iliyan, the builder.  He is a man of few words, even fewer facial expressions, and a good reputation.  I have faith.  I am slightly concerned though that he might be a vampire, because he ran when I tried to take his photo.

Back to Joao.  He has realised now that Rob and I struggle to make decisions when presented with any more than three options (see earlier PANIC comments).  So here are our three options for tiles.  You will note they are all white.  Joao has been very sweet about trying to suggest colours other than white to Rob, but has (much like me) now given up.

I don't like these.  If you crouch down and put your ear next to them, you will hear that they are whispering 'cleeeeean me Siobhan!  Cleeeean me!  With a veeeeery small scrubbing brush!'

The two options we are left with are below.  Now: one of these is about a squillion times as expensive as the other.  But which one?!  

Perhaps it would help to see them from a distance?

No?  No?  Us neither.  

A clearer decision is to be made about the colour of the floor.  To give a summary of a long story, we have to replace the floor boards for the first floor in order to soundproof and install heating.  Which colour do you prefer?

It might shock you to hear that Rob likes the white one.  I'm concerned this might make the slum look like this:

The problem is that the alternative is a dark wood, which I'm equally concerned may make the slum look like a 90's Las Vegas bachelor pad:

Goodness knows Rob needs no encouragement in the animal-skin-rug buying department, so I've caved and agreed to blonde wood flooring.

And finally, I'm going to leave you with The Box Of Doom, which will now be joining The Scary Cat Mask on the list of Things I'm Slightly Concerned About Or Represent Risk Of Mild Terror.

This box is not only made of ASBESTOS, but also seems to feature the EXPOSED EARTH WIRE FOR THE WHOLE HOUSE.  So no major worries there, just DON'T TOUCH IT (or breathe near it).  Iliyan told us today that this wouldn't be removed, just moved round the corner into the library.  Where it and The Scary Cat Mask can presumably plot our downfall together.

*Me.  And I know how to use it.